Decoding 1:1 meeting: Guidance and Theory
Helping junior software engineers navigate their careers by sharing lessons from my journey—avoiding pitfalls, learning from mistakes, and building a strong foundation for success in tech.
I remember the very first time I had this meeting. My manager suddenly invited me to a strange meeting named, “Satria / Alana”, the invitee was only me and him. I felt anxious about what would happen, did I in trouble? The description did not help, it was to discuss my annual performance and feedback.
Later, I learned that one-on-one meetings are not an annual event to discuss my employees' performance only. As a Tech Lead, I schedule biweekly 1:1 meetings with all my team members. Of course, I also regularly have 1:1 meetings with my manager.
I have come to appreciate just how valuable this meeting can be for everyone, including the company. In this article, I will tell you What is 1:1 meeting? What could you expect? How do you benefit from it?
What is 1:1 (one on one) meeting?
I will take the definition from “The Effective Manager” by Mark Horstman
A regularly scheduled meeting between a manager and each of their direct reports to discuss anything the direct wants to discuss.
Let’s take a key takeaway from it:
Regularity is crucial, consistent is the key
Focus individually personally, that’s why there is only you and your manager
Owned by a direct report, not the manager. We own the agenda, not our manager.
Another definition also comes up from my favorite book “The Manager’s Path” by Camile Fournier
An essential feature of good working relationship
She explains the reason of why 1:1 exists:
To create a human connection between us and our manager
To create a regular opportunity for us to speak privately with our manager about whatever needs discussing.
What you should expect
Typical 1:1 sessions may vary, depending on your needs and the culture of organization. Commonly, people use it for status updates, or to dive deep into ongoing or recent projects, although I prefer to avoid this scenario if we already have daily update meetings.
Worst case scenario, you never had 1:1 session with your manager except twice a year talking about the regular performance review cycle. I highly avoid this kind of situation, since you don’t prefer your feedback to be given only on performance review, it's too late.
There are some agenda that you may consider bringing up in your next 1:1 with your manager:
1. Feedback
In this scenario, you can bring up the recent project. Directly, ask him about things you could improve, then he will gladly give you the feedback or deliver the feedback collected from others. Focus on the correct way of doing it, although not every theory is practical.
2. Guidance
Quite similar to when you receive feedback, here you focus on the guidance of how you should perform and behave in the company. Remember, not every theory is practical, that’s when you need practical guidance, “this is how we do it in this company”
3. Career Development
Another portion to talk about is making sure you still perform in your current role, at the same time you still strive for mastery to excel. This is very important, even if you are not ambitious to participate in the next promotion, life is quite boring when you haven’t had a challenge. Ask for a project to stretch, so you can taste the unknown unknown to uncover your potential.
4. Personal matter
The small portion of the agenda you could bring up is to talk about personal matters and concern related to work. Sometimes, people bring up annual bonuses or changes in company policy. Do not expect your manager to know all the details, they probably as clueless as you, but rest assured that he will bring it up to higher-up management. If you want a job rotation to another product team, this is also where you can talk about it.
How to prepare
1. Come up with your agenda
Remember that this is your agenda. Although, it is 100% ok for your manager if they come with his agenda. Just be sure you also had one.
Depending on the company culture, your manager is the one to schedule the meeting regularly. He always comes up with his agenda. This is usually happen when you are still junior, since you probably had no idea what to talk about.
Regardless of the situation, try to make a bullet point on what do you want to bring up. Refer to the some agenda I had mentioned earlier.
2. Be honest and open
Be vulnerable, there is no point in defending your statement and behavior in this session. There is just no point. You need to receive as much as you can.
I had a friend who always had trouble with his manager. My friend had their own opinion on how things should work, which was not aligned with his manager. In this situation, the best way to come up is not to force the manager. Remember, “this is how we do it in this company” is all you need.
The thing is, you may need to deliver feedback to your manager. This is totally fine. Although you can not force your opinion on everyone, as a professional who sees flaws in the company, you need to raise that right away and come up with a possible solution.
3. Take notes and actionable items
Walk the talk. Don’t let your valuable to go waste. Take a note and come up with an action item.
Too lazy on taking a note, invite AI note taker that you can integrate into Google Meeting. There are plenty options available. Even if you had the session offline in the office.
You probably do not to do active note-taking. During the meeting, you may need to focus on the talk and take one or two keywords for you to develop later on. Remember, you still need to create a human connection with your manager.
Typical 1:1 Session Run Down
For you who had not had a 1:1 meeting session before, I will give you a reference on what the session look like.
00:00 - 00:05 → small chit chat
Get to know personally. Bring up a light topic like “how did you get home yesterday?”, “Had you catch a rain on the way home?”, “The meeting with the product yesterday was quite awful, we could do better, bla bla bla.”00:06 - 00:35 → your main agenda, about 1 or 2 things
Bring a recent event to the table, ask your manager on how you could be better with it. Ask for feedback or guidance. (refer to previous section)00:36 - 00:45 → additional agenda
Spare some time for your manager’s agenda, you never want to miss what they want to talk to you.00:46 - 01:00 → buffer time
Use it if you have to
Conclusion
Just like everybody else, I had mistaken what 1:1 for a regular performance review cycle and status update. I missed the opportunity to create connection and growth. The misconception is common, and that’s why not everybody agrees with this concept.
Even now, I still face difficulty on maintaining my 1:1, with my team members and my manager. While it is easy for me to control the agenda for my manager, I have consciously tended to update the latest and ongoing projects. Toward my direct reports, while it is easy for me to leave the agenda to them, I tend to preach for a solid 1 hour without ever actively listening to their story and concerns.
Afterall, for sure I had the best professional connection in my career once I had my regular 1:1 session.
What is your experience with 1:1 meetings? Do you have them regularly, if not what stopping you? Let’s learn from each other.
References:
- Fournier, C. (2017). The manager’s path: A Guide for Tech Leaders Navigating Growth and Change.
